We have all heard the stories of various entrepreneurs who succeeded after years of failures because of their persistence and commitment to their goals.

And yet, in pursuit of our own hopes and dreams, many of us will give up after the first or maybe second setback.

Many of us will give up under the pressure of our inner critic before we even have the chance to fail on our own terms.

I am no stranger to the desire to give up.

In fact, there have been times when I found myself building a little nest of comfort in the “failures” that felt safer than trying again. “It’s okay,” I might tell myself, “This box I’m in isn’t so bad anyway.”

For a while, that may even be the case.

But time and time again, I have found myself outgrowing the ways I tried to box myself in, and the only choice was to continue failing forward.

Resistance: A Key Ingredient For Growth

An experiment in an Arizona biosphere showed that trees grown without the forces of wind or storms are weaker than trees that are acclimatized to outdoor environments that expose them to forms of resistance.

A sheltered tree may grow well to start, but untested, it’ll eventually fall under the weight of itself. The resilient tree will continue to grow strong. The resistance they encountered encouraged their trunk to grow strong and their roots to grow deeper.

While it is true we do need safe places to integrate the lessons we have learned and to absorb new information (just like the surrounding environment a tree grows in is critical for improving wind resilience), all the theoretical knowledge in the world will not do us any good if we don’t put it to the test.

But so many of us – especially those of us who have learned to attach our ego to our supposed intelligence – are terrified of failing.

The fear of failure and of how it may make us look or feel often eclipses the lessons we have the opportunity to learn through that failure. It is this fear – the anxiety and the stories we tell about this failure – that keep so many people from even trying to follow their dreams.

As an entrepreneur who had excelled in the safety and control of the classroom, this has been a very difficult lesson for me to learn.

For one, few people will resist you studying for a test, choosing a topic for a paper, or prioritizing your reading over going out. (I should say few adults – peers may try to encourage a different focus.) In my household, school was always prioritized, and so it was easy for me to receive external validation when I performed well in a system that I was lucky enough to thrive in.

On the other hand, starting my business and becoming an entrepreneur has been the opposite of predictable.

Over the year and a half that I’ve had my own company trade name, I’ve experienced many moments of recalibration to better understand myself and what I wanted to build through my company. I tried a few different workshops with very little turnout and secured just enough contracts to keep myself afloat (luckily with few personal bills at the time). Each time my efforts fell flat, I was asked to recalibrate towards a goal that felt truer and more aligned with my vision.

I am so grateful for the growth I have experienced over the past year and a bit because of what my business has asked of me.

But the personal growth was just one side of the tree.

My loved ones watching my efforts saw the unpredictability of entrepreneurship. They may have even perceived my various recalibrations as uncertainty of my own commitment to my goal. Ever-so-gently (and sometimes not-so-gently) they’d push back.

“Why don’t you get a job in the meantime?”

“This position is available if you want it.”

“Are you sure?”, usually said with their eyes, rather than to my face.

And this resistance, whether it reflected doubt within myself or was truly how they felt, forced me to confront myself.

Was I sure?

And the answer, each time, was a resounding yes!

Failures As Re-Alignment

Part of “failing forward” is an understanding that even if I try to launch a new service or workshop and it flops, I am receiving important information. Not only am I learning more about the market I am breaking into or the clients available to me, but I’m gaining feedback on whether or not that attempt aligns with my vision.

Vibrant Systems has a lofty goal.

My mission is to help people deepen their connections to self, connections to others, and connections to the environment.

But it is more than just something I wrote down one day.

To me, my mission is the statement that I seek to align with in the content I create, the services I offer, and the communities I join. It is a reminder to myself that deepening these connections starts with me, and therefore, each failure on this path is an opportunity to bring my mission to life through myself.

My mission is a part of who I aim to show up as each day.

And that person who I aim to be? She doesn’t let her fears and anxieties around failure keep her from trying something new. She understands that the stories that paint failure as something bad or to avoid are just stories – and she understands that those stories are the ones stopping connections from being created.

That isn’t to say I don’t still cringe a little when I do fail or never doubt whether my business will take off.

There are times I absolutely do cringe and doubt.

And when I fail or when those doubts get particularly loud, I have the option to quit and give up.

I also have the option to realign to my mission and to the person I need to be to bring that mission to life.

Each time I choose to realign, to fail forward, to quiet the doubting thoughts, I feel that part of myself, who fears failure, shrink just a little bit more. And the part of myself who always knew we could do it? She gets a little bit stronger with each realignment.

Connection To Self Isn’t Necessarily Comfortable

Learning to “fail forward” has meant I’ve needed to become comfortable being uncomfortable. If I were too scared of encountering resistance or facing my personal narratives around failure, I would have abandoned this path I’m on long ago.

But each day I’ve committed to myself, to deepening this connection, and to my mission, I become even more confident that I’ve been making the choice I’ve always been meant to make.

Truthfully, this has been a long journey.

I have absolutely nearly quit. I had to shed the expectations I carried with me into creating this business in the first place. I had to confront the ego within myself, who couldn’t handle the shame around failure, and when I shed that ego, I had to confront the new ego that popped up in its place (a cycle that’s on repeat).

If it hadn’t been for the work I’d done with the four elements, which now form the framework of Elements of Self, I’m not sure I would have had the courage to keep choosing this path. It was because of my work with the four elements and the reflections this work spurred that I knew wholeheartedly what my most authentic self felt like.

It was this authenticity I’ve been choosing alongside the Vibrant Systems mission.

It was this authenticity that reminded me I am strong enough to keep learning and keep shedding.

Building a deep and unshakeable connection to self requires a willingness to step into discomfort and to confront the stories that are keeping us from our authenticity.

But you don’t have to build this connection alone. Elements of Self is a comprehensive video course where I walk with you on the path of the four elements – earth, water, air, and fire – so you can uncover the foundation of your authenticity.

Add your name to the waitlist today. Let’s make your story a vibrant one.