What does community-building look like in 2026 when so many of us are navigating demanding lives, balancing relationships, and trying to take care of ourselves at the same time? That is the question Hayley Kearney, owner of Ember ‘n Echo, and I sought to explore through this article. 

Connection Builds When You Shine Authentically

Hayley and I met through an online course, Hey Neighbor! Immersion, focused on how to build neighbourhood connections and community resilience, hosted by Stephanie Keiko Kong (@ponyponytail) and ‘Ihilani Cho(@sacredconsent). Check out their free class, 17 Habits To Your Weave Hyperlocal Network of Care, here!

Both impassioned by community-building and local to the Calgary area, it made sense to see where our shared interests might take us. 

Much like myself, Hayley considers herself “multilingual”, meaning she interweaves different ways of knowing and understanding into her business and relationships. With a background in Exercise Physiology, counselling, and Reiki, Hayley pulls on all three modalities in her business to help clients find their way back to joy. She also integrates a secret fourth language–humour and playfulness!

“I’m allowed to be funny,” she laughs in our conversation, “None of [my modalities] naturally lend themselves to lightness and levity, and that’s an intrinsic part of who I am… I get to define the remix of information I’ve obtained. I’m in charge of Hayley’s Ember ‘n Echo remix.” 

Having navigated the murky waters of starting my own business, I know exactly how she felt. It wasn’t enough to be skilled in diverse disciplines. I needed to experience a stripping away of expectations so my unique perspective of what I’d been taught could shine through. 

This isn’t just a business lesson, though. 

It’s a fundamental part of nurturing authentic connections. 

“Being allowed to be seen in a way that is authentically you,” Hayley explains, has been essential for not only planting seeds of connection in her neighbourhood, but also allowing those seeds to grow into relationships of reciprocity. 

In the era of artificial intelligence and scammification, how many of us are craving connections rooted in authentic honesty? While this doesn’t mean we should show up as our whole selves right away, it is important to reflect on how we can show up without the masks we might be used to wearing. 

In the case of having multiple languages for connection and understanding, Hayley reflects on the fact that she doesn’t always have the answer for how her authentic self might be received. But, she does have proof that “holding space for the unknown and recognizing that [she has] three distinct pathways [she] can create connection with people” can help her show up authentically regardless. 

Sometimes, The Authentic Thing Is To Pull Back

A piece of authenticity that isn’t talked about enough is our boundaries and how they help us create sustainable connections rather than just a performance. Our authenticity isn’t a constant state. It requires a willingness to check in with ourselves and our needs, and being honest about what that checking in reveals. 

For Hayley (and for myself), this has been a long-lasting lesson. 

“When I get to empty husk–like I am a shell of a human because I have poured all of my energy outwards–I can’t be anything to anyone at that point. I may have been everything to everyone except what I needed for myself.” – Hayley reflects on why boundaries are necessary 

Especially as the mom of a young child, listening to one’s energy levels and setting boundaries appropriately has been a necessity. Rather than pouring fully into the social elements of community-building, Hayley shares that she has needed to not only pay attention to how she nourishes herself more, but also account for the capacity of her child and husband when creating plans; “I can’t be all things to all people… it’s reorganizing what’s been most important to me.”

The process of continually being honest about our capacity and personal integrity is a fluid one. It is impacted by the stage of life we are in, our well-being, and the obligations we have to others in our lives. We can’t truly build sustainable community connections if we neglect the process and action of caring for ourselves, too. 

“When you know something, you can’t unsee,” Hayley reflects, “And then that gives you the choice; you can do something about it… or not… and both are choices.” 

As someone who interweaves the well-being of the individual, community, and environment, her reflections resonated deeply with me. I have lived through periods of my life where I too was an “empty husk”. It was that experience of soul-level burnout that led me to audit not only how I was caring for myself, but the ways that I had been pouring into habits and relationships that were not based in reciprocity and nourishment. I know how important our connection to ourselves is, because if we don’t nurture that connection, the alternative is to fall out of integrity with the person we know we can be. 

A Post-It Note Is All You Need 

It was clear to me from the first time I’d met Hayley that she was comfortable meeting new people. Born in Australia, a frequent flyer, and only settling in Calgary in 2021, Hayley fell into community-building at a time when many people were still uncertain of what the social fabric might become. I was eager to pick her brain on how she established connections as a newcomer to a foreign city. 

“I really tried to figure out how I could land and what it was I could create, and ultimately, it came through trial and error, but I would say, me connecting with my neighbour… I just saw her putting her car seat in the car one day. I was like you have a baby, I have a baby, here’s a Post-It note with my phone number.” – Hayley on simple ways to connect

Finding similarities, whether that is where we live, shared family dynamics, or the hobbies we enjoy, can become fertile soil to plant a seed of connection. But as we know, not all seeds grow once planted. “Coming in from a place of zero expectations and everything else is a bonus, helps,” Hayley shared when discussing the moments when a bid for friendship goes unanswered. 

The practice of depersonalizing rejection and understanding that the circumstances of another person’s life may inhibit potential friendships has enabled Hayley to keep planting seeds, even when some never sprout. Some relationships also take longer or changing circumstances to actually grow. As our children grow older or our jobs change, opportunities for connection may spring up where they couldn’t grow before. 

“If you’re in a position where you want to build community and you want to build relationships, then you have to have some kind of emotional intelligence,” Hayley adds. Not only do we need the emotional intelligence to recognize when we are feeling rejected, but our emotional intelligence enables us to self-soothe, release, and try again with less fear. 

Final Lessons For Community-Building

As we wrapped up our discussion, with plans in motion for many more, I asked Hayley one final question. 

What reminders would she give blossoming community-builders like yourself if they are just starting their community-building journey? She happily provided three!

“Don’t be afraid of showing up”

While our fears tend to rear their heads as we step outside our comfort zones, it is only by actually taking those last steps that we can experience something new. If you’re coming into community-building as a complete newbie, even just showing up is part of the process of expanding your comfort zone. 

“You don’t need to bring your whole self, but you can bring an authentic version of yourself”

You can be shy. You can be nervous. You can be soft spoken. Or maybe your authentic self is funny and chatty. Either way, what matters is that whoever you show up as is true to you. When building community, it’s time to leave the masks at home and trust that your authentic self belongs in community, too.

“For people to know you, you need to be consistent”

When we show up, even as just a part of ourselves, we are doing important work! But if we don’t build the habit of being in the same space regularly, we just become a face that people saw once. When it comes to community, our consistent actions, even if they’re small, can make all the difference for how quickly those seeds of connection actually sprout. 

Hayley’s message: “Don’t take other people’s no as a personal affront”

Not everyone will become your best friend. Many people may see a potential connection, but the circumstances of their lives don’t allow it. Sometimes, people just might not like us very much. 

Whatever the reason, we can’t let the silence or pulling away of others stop us from continuing our community-building journey. When Hayley reminds us to depersonalize rejection, it’s a gentle reminder that we are not responsible for why another person says no. Our only responsibility is to respect their answer (even if it’s “no answer”) and continue following our passion for connection. 

Do You Want To Learn More? Where To Go For More Ember ‘n Echo Info

Community-building requires diverse people, perspectives, and backgrounds. How we meet, connect, and integrate is going to be unique depending on the place and the people living there. This article is simply one perspective towards community-building, offering important lessons we can integrate into our own journeys. 

For more articles like this one, I’d like to invite you to sign up for The Vibrant Community Newsletter or explore how Vibrant Systems’ Community Mentorship can support your community-building initiatives! You can also learn more about the work Hayley does through Ember ‘n Echo by checking out her website or her podcast. 

If you have a story about community-building, local resilience, or sustainable connection that you’d love to share, I want to hear from you! This article is the first in a series highlight the real impact of community-builders like Hayley and like you. Submit your application to be interviewed right here!

Let’s make your story a vibrant one!